Not Myself
by GinnyPotter88
Summary: This is after OoTP before Harry starts his sixth year. He is at the Weasleys' and finds himself awake one night with one thought on his mind--that he killed Sirius. Who can help him out of this mood?


Not Myself

_Not Myself_

The Weasley clock struck one and Ginny Weasley was still wide awake.

"Oh I give up," she said exasperatedly.

As she got up she tried not to wake Hermione in the process. For Hermione was there to see Ron. At the end of their fifth year her and Ron finally admitted their feelings. Ginny quietly shut the door and quietly walked down the stairs and remembering to skip the one that squeaked. When she got to the kitchen she quietly made herself some tea. As she was waiting for the water to boil she let her thoughts wander. They automatically went to thoughts of a certain green-eyed, dark haired boy. Ginny smiled and was happy that she was able to talk to him easily now. Ginny was grateful that he was considering her as a friend. The tea pot whistled and she got up and poured herself a cup. When she sat down at the kitchen table again she noticed an odd sight. Out on the back porch there sat Harry.

"I wonder why he's sitting out there," she wondered aloud.

She got up and opened the door quietly praying that it wouldn't squeak. Fortunately it didn't and she quietly stepped out on the porch. She about to ask him why he was sitting out there when she heard him speak.

"Sirius…I'm so…," Harry started, but got choked up once again.

Ginny's eyes widened when she realized he was crying.

"Wow, Sirius's death affected him more than he's letting on," she whispered.

She slowly walked over to where Harry was.

"Harry are you ok," she timidly asked.

Harry whipped around, his eyes, though still teary, were wide from surprise.

"Yes Ginny. I'm…I'm fine," he answered hurriedly.

He tried to dry his eyes discreetly, but Ginny noticed and shook her head.

"Harry, you've been crying, what's wrong? You know you can always talk to me," she said.

"I'm fine Gin. There's nothing to talk about," he said rather loudly.

"Yes there is something wrong. You were crying! I saw you. Talk to me…please," she pleaded.

"I was not crying. I don't feel like talking. Just leave me alone," he snapped at her.

By this point Ginny was on the verge of tears.

"Harry James Potter! Please…talk to me," she said with much determination.

But he just shook his head stubbornly. At this point Ginny was crying.

"Harry I know Sirius's death bothered you! More than you're letting on," she said.

"You wouldn't understand. You have a family and people that love you. I've never had a family and the person, the only person that truly cared for me, the closet thing I had to a family I killed," he yelled.

Ginny's tears were freely flowing when he said this. She looked at him for a moment and said,

"You didn't kill him. You didn't know Bellatrix was going to hit him with that spell. Quit blaming yourself, I hate seeing you not being yourself. And just to let you know my family loves you like one of their own."

Harry looked at her sullenly and said,

"I know your family does. I've known that for a while now.

'I love you too," Ginny said.

Harry heard her faintly and for some odd reason his heart skipped a beat. He thought, 'Get a grip Potter. She meant she loved you as a sister would a brother.' As if Ginny could read his thoughts she said softly,

"When I said I loved you I meant I love you in a way that a friend would love a friend who would wish they could be more. Sorry if that made absolutely no sense. I'll go now and leave you alone."

She started to leave when she heard Harry say her name. She slowly turned around and looked at him. He said,

"You know I know I didn't kill him, but I keep wanting to blame myself."

He looked at her and saw that she understood. He motioned for her to come sit next to him. She sat down and looked at him. He glanced down at her and realized that he, the famous Boy-Who-Lived, had fallen in love with Ginny Weasley. He kept staring at her until she started to blush. He said,

"Ginny, what did you mean I'm not acting myself lately?"

"You haven't been for months. Every now and then you are you old

carefree self, but lately…" Ginny couldn't finish because she had begun

to cry.

"Ginny, don't cry, I hate to see you cry," he said.

"It's not like you care," Ginny snapped.

"But I do, very much Ginny. I…I think I've let myself fall for you. I'm

not joking either" he said.

"Harry I've waited so long for you to say that. This feels like a dream,"

she said.

"Only it's not," he said.

Ginny realized this was her chance. 'It's now or never,' she thought. She leaned over slowly and gave Harry a kiss. It was brief, but it was long enough for both of them to feel a spark between them. When she pulled away she did not look at Harry. But Harry pulled her into a hug. When he let go she smiled and he gave her a quick kiss back. She looked at him and said,

"There's a song I've been listening to a lot. It's by a muggle artist. Hermione let me borrow the CD and the song is titled 'Not Myself'. It reminds me of you."

"I've never heard of it before," Harry replied.

With that Ginny got up and snuck back up to her room to get the CD and CD player. When she came back Harry looked at her questioningly and said,

"What are you doing with that?"

"I'm going to let you listen to it," she said.

She handed him the CD played and turned it to track 12. Harry heard the opening and then the lyrics started.

_Suppose I said_

_I am on my best behavior_

_And there are times I lose my worried mind?_

_Would you want me when I'm not myself?_

_Wait it out while I am someone else?_

_Suppose I said colors change for no good reason_

_And words will go from poetry to prose_

_Would you want me when I'm not myself?_

_Wait it out while I am someone else_

_And I, in time, will come around I always do_

_For you…_

_Suppose I said you're my saving grace_

_Would you want me when I'm not myself?_

_Wait it out while I am someone else?_

As the song ended Harry looked at Ginny and said,

"You think that song is describing me?"

Very timidly Ginny nodded her head.

"Then I have just one question, no two questions for you," he said.

Ginny's heart stopped and she prayed she hadn't angered Harry. She slowly shook her head 'yes'. Harry looked at her and said,

"Question one, do you love me? Question two would you seriously 'wait it out while I am someone else?"

"The answer to you first question is yes. I've loved you since the Chamber incident when you saved my life."

After she said this Harry smiled and took her hand. Ginny's heart skipped a beat and scooted closer to him. He cautiously wrapped his arm around her. She looked at him with wide eyes and said,

"The answer to your second question is I would 'wait it out while' you are 'someone else.' I've waited this long haven't I?

Harry looked at her and thought 'How come I never noticed her before?' Ginny looked at him in moonlight and thought, 'Yes Harry I will wait while you are someone else. I always have and I always will.' She started to rest her head on his shoulder when she heard him whisper her name. She looked up at him and he whispered,

"Ginny, I guess you're right. That song does fit me. Ever since Sirius died I've felt so alone. But now I feel…well loved."

Ginny smiled widely when he said that. She rested her head on his shoulder, but not before Harry gave her a quick kiss. Just as Ginny was drifting off Harry said,

"Ginny."

"Hmm," she mumbled groggily.

"You better head back to bed before someone discovers we're missing."

She nodded her head and smiled. Harry stood up and held out his hand to help her up. She took his hand and they went inside. When they reached Ginny's door Harry bid her goodnight and gave her a goodnight kiss. The rest of the night Harry slept a dreamless sleep. While Ginny dreamt of a wonderful future that included Harry, and of course her.


End file.
